In-Con Sequential Art
Friday
Feb122010

Ludicrous Speed

Couldn't rap fast at first, no sir, I couldn't
But a nerdcore MC just absolutely wouldn't
Let their fan base down by bringing the slow rhyme
So I had to learn to rap dub-a-dubba trip time
It's time, flex my skills on the mic
Bring the lyrics stealth quick like a ninjacal strike
But rather than allow myself to defend
Over to 3P and let the master ascend

Pass the mike like a torch and it burns cause it's hot
With fire that I spit, wif the skillz that I got
Practice makes perfect or natural ability
No mortal can match my lingual versatility
Gifts God gives I'm divined by right, bow down
Say your prayers before you say goodnight
Sweet dreams of the Death Star fortress in the sky
C0splay and MC3PO quicker than the eye

Creep up all smooth I'm a blur of words
Got the speedy slick spitting representing the nerds
Stutter step on my speech when I don't got a beat
Match rhythm and rhyme and I bring the sweet treat
To the ear drums of the geek loyalists
Make all the girlies bounce, take my audience
Away from poser MCs who lack dedication
Just bringing down the cred of the nerdcore nation
While I bring up the scene with my chest inflation
Toss rhymes like tomahawks, verbal sensation

Not a thing you can say that I can't rhyme quicker
Stream of consciousness flowin' like a news ticker
News flash, 3P is at it again
I'm putting on a clinic, anyone can attend
Class of rapid rhyme spitting taught by Doctor Hart
Please retain these lessons which I will impart
Flex your lips, mind your breath, wit and words are key
Take average spitting speed multiply by three
Wax poetic with a speed too fast too furious
Reveal esoteric secrets to the faithful and the curious

Curious?  Your secrets are spurious at best 
How dare you claim the title fastest Pun in the west
Just cause you're names Jess a jest isn't needed
But I will take congratulation from the defeated
Rapid speech level 80, rapping mass reaching critical
My story ain't legendary son, it's biblical
In the Genesis Oblivion before the dawn of time
C0splay took the mic and said "Let their be Rhyme"
In this crusade of hip hop I hold the holy grail
This is my flawless victory and your epic fail
Too bad, too slow, so sad, brought low
Humbled by the master of a double-time flow

Boomerang like Quick Man I'm back in flash
Rising like a phoenix, burn your punk ass to ash
Make you eat your words cause you're not fit to eat my dust
Leave you standing like Tin Man, frozen with rust
Say you wanna be the best but my friend you're outta luck
Cause your mush mouth raps slow as old people fuck
Better duck, better weave, cause the hits keep cummin'
Just like me, on your mom, when I give her sweet lovin'
But at that I take my time, rappin' fast I finish quick
Which reminds me, getting late, best attend to my dick
So I'm out – said it better than it's ever been said
Drink a beer, read a book, rub one out, go to bed

Not so fast you scruffy looking nerf herder
Walk away from me now and I'll brand you a deserter

There is nothing left to prove; Your Ymir, I'm Surtur
You rap like PaRappa, lisp along like Mace Murder

I may only have one ear, that's why they call me HAF DEF
But your audio is fucked, with a capital “F”
“F” stands for fail, which you do rather well
Are you 3P or Will.I.Am, hard to tell
You're no Weird Al, you're not even Tom Green
Worse than Cyclops, FUCK you're not even Jean
Jamie Kennedy? The man rolls with Bob Saget
You're forgettable just like Batman's Roland Dagget

Just bag it, Quacker Jack, you're all bark and no bite
We all know I'm the terror that raps in the night
Your flow's wackaroonie, your insults are trite
Your feeble rhymes are blathering blatherskite
Now submit, you're not fit to even carry my jock
Sleepy Happy Dopey Grumpy Sneezy Bashful Doc
Spend less time on boasts spend more time in rehearsal
Your two minutes are up, now cut to commercial

Lite Brite, Lite Brite, turn on the magic of colored lights
Lite Brite, Lite Brite, make a smile to glow at night
Smiling friends shining bright make a sign to say goodnight
Lite Brite, Lite Brite, turn on the magic of shining lights