In-Con Sequential Art
Wednesday
Apr152015

I Got Rich (and You Can, Too!)

Situation: broke as hell and going on vacation
No time for hard work, ya big jerk; use your innovation
You've got talents (not many), you catch as catch-ya-can
Followers aplenty? Pockets empty? Borrow from your fans
Make up a reason, 'tis the season, blah blah blah
Sell 'em on the need to feed your greed, ta-dat-da
You hook 'em with a premise; money menace, get the greenbacks
Offer up the album you've got done (less thirteen tracks)

Make up bonuses you've no intention of providing
Whet their whistles with some instrumental bullshit you've been hiding
Levels of donations, mental masturbation, what's it worth?
If not for situations dire, not a buyer on this green Earth
But hey, that's the game; they're gonna get just what you offered
If not what they wanted when you catch the credit from their coffers
By the time they realize their ready riches got rooked 
The hotel and flight are booked and boy, that goose has been cooked

I got rich, and you can, too
I'll tell you everything you have to do
If you take my advice, then I swear it's true
I got rich, and you can, too

Listen, this isn’t some type of pyramid pitch
Death*Star’s got suggestions to get ya serious rich
A delirious itch to profit off product already in production
The promise of promotions, limited items, there’s seduction
Not just with musical makings, with any old crap
Board game, card battle, something like that
Put on your sales cap, easy structure, offer nonsense
Make that first donation level roughly 62 pence 
For a thank you, then at five maybe scribble your name 
On a post-it note, draw a doodle, or some such lame
Prize, till they pony up the zenny for superior offer
Drain em dry, let them fund your desire, fill your coffers
Toss em some sorta specialty gift, like a signed bit of mattress
Or some lattice, or like, a lame audio of a recording practice
Or a signed rock, there you go, paste on some googly eyes
And say, “Man, thank you.  Just for that, it’s exclusive to you guys”

I got rich, and you can, too
I'll tell you everything you have to do
If you take my advice, then I swear it's true
I got rich, and you can, too

Really it was cake, just a track here or there
We didn’t pay attention, too busy cashing in to care
Long as you gathered a glomgoldian fortunes, make the promise
Sure, a murder of songs, a comic, a video, but the problem is
Then you gotta deliver, when?  Sometime in the future
When the donators get antsy, shoot ‘em a shitty simple soother
Use your limited talents and half-ass something quick
Maybe a figurine, a poorly written song, or some shit

Looks like you probably dug the pit a little deep
Promised prizes that you shouldn't, shit is startin' to look steep
But don't fret; they won't get the gist until you're cashin'
All their checks for rejected projects you're half-assin'
You said you'd make seven EPs, but never promised they'd be golden
And besides, just realize; the money's yours, you're not beholden
To their standards and expectations, remorseful frustrations
Box that shit up and sign it, and thanks for the donations

I got rich, and you can, too
I'll tell you everything you have to do
If you take my advice, then I swear it's true
I got rich, and you can, too