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Thursday
Apr012010

D&D = STDs

As a recent member to the tabletop arena, I must admit I’m enjoying it immensely.  There have been failures to launch in the past but the present seems bright and the future nearly blinding in the way of dice rolls and character sheets.  That being said, I came to a quick and crisp definition of what the game of D&D (or any tabletop games for that manner) is most comparative to in muggle culture. 

D&D is a sexually transmitted disease

 

Unlike most of these unwanted guests, the rashes are welcome and the burning when I urinate will hopefully never go away.  I must admit that this eloquently and concisely describes the way the game spreads.  I have reason behind my seemingly negative depiction of the game, so hear me out and judge it yourself. 

Though I am sure there are exceptions to this rule, I do not believe that (often) a group of four spritely young lads stroll gingerly to a Barnes and Noble or any specialty retailer that distributes these books with the intention of buying D&D as a complete set of virgins to tabletop.  No, this is not how this process occurs in nature.  Your buddy, let’s call him Ted, mentions to you that he and a couple of his friends are playing and you should join in.  “Don’t worry, we’ll help you stat out the character.”  From there, you’re pretty much fucked with hours of homework assignments on reading character traits, endless lists of feats and skills, and more PHBs than you can shake a stick at!

 Like a proper STD it is hard to get.  You have to have extended contact and even then, some people slip through the cracks never getting it; let’s just assume they have condoms in their brains that prevent them from enjoying the full feeling of fun that D&D brings.  Ribbed for her pleasure my ass!  Anyway, we’ve moved off topic.  You agree to play and like it.  You play again with this group and look for others that might like to come and play.  You look to other game styles to play as well. 

Fastforward a few years and you’re running your own game, with two brand new virgins, unsuspecting of the impact D&D will have on their lives.  Again, passing the disease on to anyone you can.  Because, like sex, D&D involves a lot of sweating, shouting, dice, Bugles, and about two liters of soda!  And so goes life, a never ending circle. 

Think about it. 



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