Telltale Games Should Make All The Storylines

Telltale games, linked if you aren't familiar, is currently pretty famous for it's work with the episodic Walking Dead series as well as Wolf Among Us, based on the Fables comics.  I gotta say, I'm a complete addict to all of their point-and-click, story-based gaming.

SLAM THAT ZOMBIE HEAD INTO THE CUPBOARD QUICK!Upcoming they'll be doing a series on the Borderlands universe, which is good because I feel that FPS games, even well flavoured, can't quite reach the depth that is clearly in that universe.  Gearbox built a beautiful world and Telltale is just the right alternate game developer to let that world explode all over your eyeballs as you make choices and move through quick time events.  Also, they're doing a Game of Thrones series, so that has me hard; like rigor mortis hard.  I'm a fanboy of all things Martin, including his beard and dock-worker looks.  He's like if Santa lived in Boston and instead of bringing you gifts every year, he brought death.  


HO HO HO. You've been naughty.I realize that Telltale could really make so many games that would almost inevitably fail as any other genre.  Everyone wants a Cthulhu-based insanity game, but only Telltale could give it the hard, brutal choices that would pay homage to the proper insanity.  Powers could have easily been a Telltale series.  Shit, I'd play a MLP game by them, assuming the characters are all starving to death and being hunted for their delicious pony hides (which would give you power of some sort, like the ability to attract lonely adult males).

The thing is, this is one of the best studios out there and I would gladly shell out $5 a week for them, which means ten ongoing titles that they could be producing at my lieasure, as their "seasons" are usually five episodes long.  

Think about it.  Walking Dead, Wolf Among Us, Borderlands, Game of Thrones, Cthulhu, 100 Bullets, MLP: The Hunted, Baywatch Nights, Cupcake Wars: Red Velvet Violence, anything by Phillip K. Dick, Daycare: Only the Strong Survive, etc..


The list goes forever.



Facebook is a nerdy 10 year-old girl - Curiosity 


So we landed Curiosity on Mars the other day.  I know this because Facebook has made sure I am aware.  Now, I understand that I am a fairly nerdy dude with a lot of nerdy friends.  I expect to see updates on solar paterns, mathematic-based humor, parody songs, Firefly lego builds, and NASA projects.  Here's my gripe on this.

Nobody posted damn thing about this mission before the 7 minute blackout and the actual landing!  Now, don't nail me to the wall in somantics.  I'm sure one-or-two of you reading this might have been like, "Man, I can't wait for that Mars landing. I'm gonna line it up with my masturbation schedule and try to cum right at touch-down announcement." I'm sure that was on Facebook, somewhere (or at least Reddit). What I am saying is, massive wave of excitement out of nowhere for a pretty typical mission.  Not even the first device landed on mars, and it won't be the last.

Here's the deal, folks.  I love science.  There is a 100s-of-Trillions-of-gallons ocean floating around a blackhole in space, caused by oxygen atoms slamming into hydrogen due to gravity pull, that could keep the galaxy saturated for millenia.  We're discovering earth-like planets closer than we every suspected, and realizing space-flight as a privatized industry.  Rover on Mars?  Not as exciting. Why? Because there is no humanity involved and nothing original.  

Yes, Curiosity, via rotating satellite, will get us more data on images, minerals, surface area; but it has been done.  Not to this detail, sure, but it isn't a new thing.  A man on Mars, that's what we want.  We don't have the budget for that. This is why it was simply a Facebook fad, and not a building story.  No human connection.  A good old, "wow, that was awesome, now back to anime porn," falling from everybody's lips.  In a week, we'll all be more excited about fall season television coming back (of which I am very excited for myself).  So just a heads up, community, don't pretend like Curiosity is this amazing revalation in your life.  We know it isn't.

I think that is what gets me. The thrill/excitement that is posted with it. "OMG!  The hardest 7 minutes of my life." Really??!?!?! I hope so, for your sake; and mine.  For if your life is so simple that the landing of a chem-lab-on-wheels is the hardest 7 minutes of your life, well, I'll have to murder you and take your life. 
Anyway, it just annoyed me.  That's all for now. 


Death*Star vs. NorWesCon

Death*Star attended our first NorWesCon this year.  We performed and were on a couple music panels to entertain a crowd most usually accustomed to filk (a sort of nerd washed folk).  There was much trepidation at the concept of Nerdcore hip hop at this convention.  Never done before, would the crowd appreciate us?  Would they even understand what we do?

The answer was yes but we’ll get to the performances and panels later.  The first thing I am going to address in this blog relates to the parties, and more importantly, the drinking!  Now, I’m not a Con-virgin.  I’ve dipped my theremin into PAX repeatedly as well as SakuraCon and I always come out on the other side with only mild itching and a need for over-the-counter topical creams.  However, Norwes was the first time I actually stayed at a convention and it was a different beast entirely.  The parties being thrown by Biohazard and Dethcon basically melted my liver with strong drink after strong drink delivered from nerd hands directly to my mouth (like in some sort of geek communion) for a reasonable donation.  Bacchanalias with topless women covered in water or KY, fermented drink flowing, offers of intercourse and gaming at every turn made my head spin as much as the booze.  I felt, for a moment, that I was in Gomorrah and I was ensnared by its seductive sins of the geek and non-geek nature. 

Amidst the three solid nights of drinking, and three mornings of trying to avoid a hangover coming to swallow me up grue-style, we had panels and performances to do.  Panels included a Performance Enhancement judging, which was really not what I was thinking it would be.  It was centered around judging how people perform songs in front of audiences.  As 3P coined, we were clearly the clowns of the panel and pretty much there to make others giggle.  The second was an education panel on geek music outside of filk.  We could have gone on for 3 hours on ourselves alone, but managed to mention a few other acts of noteworthy prowess in the geek culture (both in and outside of Nerdcore).  Each panel was entertaining for the audience, or at least they were polite enough to pretend, and both were really just advertising for our show Saturday night.

Now, having never performed at a convention, we had no real clue how it would take.  Would people show up?  Would they get up to leave right after hearing the first song?  How long would setup take?  Would the microphones work?  All answered minutes before the show much to the stress of this Nerdcore MC.  It was sparse for the first five-to-ten minutes and then the room filled up nicely.  The clarity on the audio was fantastic.  Every word audible and enjoyable to the point of laughter and applause during/after every song performed.  The crowning achievement was when some adolescent children, with mother in tow, walked in and after two or three songs had to walk out (most likely due to profanity, sexual themes, and the fact that I gesture to my crotch at least twice every verse).  Great performance, but more importantly, great experience.

So what does it mean?  Will we be back next year?  How many con girls in corsets did 3P hit on?  Did C0splay end up in bed covered in Pixie Stix dust and shame?  Well, the answers to all these questions are blurred by booze, boobs, and bodices.  For now I’ll just say, thank you NorWes.  Hope to come back next year. 


D&D = STDs

As a recent member to the tabletop arena, I must admit I’m enjoying it immensely.  There have been failures to launch in the past but the present seems bright and the future nearly blinding in the way of dice rolls and character sheets.  That being said, I came to a quick and crisp definition of what the game of D&D (or any tabletop games for that manner) is most comparative to in muggle culture. 

D&D is a sexually transmitted disease


Unlike most of these unwanted guests, the rashes are welcome and the burning when I urinate will hopefully never go away.  I must admit that this eloquently and concisely describes the way the game spreads.  I have reason behind my seemingly negative depiction of the game, so hear me out and judge it yourself. 

Though I am sure there are exceptions to this rule, I do not believe that (often) a group of four spritely young lads stroll gingerly to a Barnes and Noble or any specialty retailer that distributes these books with the intention of buying D&D as a complete set of virgins to tabletop.  No, this is not how this process occurs in nature.  Your buddy, let’s call him Ted, mentions to you that he and a couple of his friends are playing and you should join in.  “Don’t worry, we’ll help you stat out the character.”  From there, you’re pretty much fucked with hours of homework assignments on reading character traits, endless lists of feats and skills, and more PHBs than you can shake a stick at!

 Like a proper STD it is hard to get.  You have to have extended contact and even then, some people slip through the cracks never getting it; let’s just assume they have condoms in their brains that prevent them from enjoying the full feeling of fun that D&D brings.  Ribbed for her pleasure my ass!  Anyway, we’ve moved off topic.  You agree to play and like it.  You play again with this group and look for others that might like to come and play.  You look to other game styles to play as well. 

Fastforward a few years and you’re running your own game, with two brand new virgins, unsuspecting of the impact D&D will have on their lives.  Again, passing the disease on to anyone you can.  Because, like sex, D&D involves a lot of sweating, shouting, dice, Bugles, and about two liters of soda!  And so goes life, a never ending circle. 

Think about it. 


Thank You, Death*Starmy

I’ve been in bands (admittedly worse ones than this) since I was sixteen.  I’ve been regularly performing at all-ages clubs, open-mic nights, bars, and events since I was seventeen.  In those ten years of performance I have run across all number of friend, fan, hater, bar patron, bystander, and live show addict.  Never, in that ten years, have I been gifted with such a great experience as the fans and friends of Death*Star. 

I’ll start with the fans.  You guys that found us through Myspace, twitter, a friend of a friend, or any other manner always surprise me when you come out.  To have someone listen to a handful of songs and be willing to take some time out of their day to come see a band and hear more is a real compliment.  Busy lives and a continuing surge of isolationist behaviors in our culture make that a harder task every year and yet you come out.  We fuck up our lines and you come out.  We perform the same songs over and over again and you come out. And not only do you come out, you drag people with you.  You make me, C0splay, feel like a real performer and not just some guy on stage that is replacing the overhead stereo in a bar. 

Some fans even learn our lyrics, which basically melts my face with shock and amazement!  Anytime I see someone out in the audience singing along, or rapping along depending on the part of the song, with any one of the Death*Star songs I almost lose my place in the song.  There are Death*Star songs that I still have trouble rapping and I’d wager some fans know them better than I do.  That is just outright impressive.  It makes me feel good inside every time I see it.  Thank you for the compliment. 

Next, I’ll get to our friends (some of which are also fans).  This really divides into three categories.  There are friends of ours that go out to support the band even if they may not be huge fans.  This, in previous musical acts I was in, constitutes a large portion of our friends.  However, in Death*Star, I do believe that this number dwindles.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you taking time to come see Death*Star on your own accord even if you aren’t big fans of us.  What I’m saying is, I’m glad that (and I’m making a leap here) most of you aren’t forcing yourselves to our concerts out of obligation due to friendship.

The second crowd of comrades are the Death*Star loyalists; those of you that come out to every show possible.  You are a great group of people.  You are the ones that know the words, ask us actively when our next show is coming out, pester us repeatedly about the album, and otherwise continue to affirm our desire to progress as a band.  You also help pay for our drinks, food, and gas to a show through your patronage which is also very much appreciated. 

The third crowd, for lack of a better term, we’ll call the “friends with benefits” group.  No, not groupies, but rather those of our friends and fans that offer their own creative services to help us out.  Your offers have included coaching us as a band, helping with our marketing, helping out with our sound, offering money in support of merchandise, or offering your art services.  All of this demands at least a thank you.  My mind reels at the idea of you guys all getting excited enough about Death*Star to actually help its success.  You are what keep this band going on a mechanical level. 

Future blog posts will be funnier, shorter, silly, and less honest.  But for my first real blog post I wanted to make sure it was about the most important part of Death*Star.  Our fans.  Thank you Death*Starmy!