In-Con Sequential Art
Friday
Feb122010

Bride of Dorkenstein

Passionately prying open crates, eyes drying
No lying, stopped trying, so I investigated buying
All the pieces I require, cash in credits to acquire
Chobits, Replicants, Cylons, objects of desire

Cobbled you together, such a delicate device
Sugar, spice, pretty penny, gonna shine you up nice
Got a Stepford Wife source code over peer-to-peer
Ear to ear mad grinnin', a romantic engineer

See here? Positronic potential, actuated
Activated, Lisa from Weird Science elaborated
All things geek meets all things feminine
Dip into your wetware and play you like a theremin

Love a doctor for the man he could be
Should she even get the choice to choose me?
No, see, it goes against the principal design
She's mine from the microsecond Honey goes online

Calculated, motivated, arms and legs attenuated
Activated, graduated, learning curve is cultivated

Started out so strong, fixed her as I went along
Taught her Klingon, like a song, she never put a word wrong
Ping pong strategies uploaded overnight
Phoenix Wright in a debate she never lost without a fight

Lost sight of my intentions, kept on adding new inventions
Did I mention the attention that she brought at the convention?
My ascension ‘midst my allies had me gaining adulation
Consternation 'mongst the cohorts, all they had was masturbation

Adding USB, DVI, HDMI out
Bluetooth, WiFi, couldn't say she was without
The latest hardware, file share command override
Adding Blu-Ray -- nobody say that I can't pimp my bride

Calculated, motivated, arms and legs attenuated
Activated, graduated, learning curve is cultivated
Gravitating, captivating, cannot stop from salivating
Separating, so frustrating, dislike what it's indicating

Improving positronic calculations to her common logic
Ambulation was enhanced by vast improvements in bionics
But my masters in mechanics did not deduce her robotic
Compusonic core of reasoning would become problematic 

Woke with a fright in the dead of the night
Lights on in the lab rushed in to view the sight
Sweet Honey wiring weapons, hid beneath her skin snow white
Memorizing Monty Python by the terabyte

Betrayed, dismayed, masterpiece unmade
Caught her cheating, self-applied upgrade
Longer digits become tentacles
Gadgets transformed into a sentinel

I'm the doctor in this house, I'm a man you're a machine
It's for me to push your buttons you pneumatic libertine
“Resistance is Futile” bellowed my Borg baroness
Cold stare with a pair of LEDs filled with emptiness

Speaking in High Elvish but my Babel fish was broken
She repeated it in Common quoting from the book of Tolkien
“This is no place for a Hobbit,” as she tossed me aside
Bruised my ribs, hurt my heart, damn near killed my pride

Ignored by my sexy Cylon, locked me in the Phantom Zone
Was the master of my realm but my reign was overthrown
All alone, so I designed a girl to sing in perfect pitch
But I'm bested, broken, beaten, by this cast iron bitch

Desecrated, uninstated, positively player-hated
Masticated on my melon like a mantis once we mated

Jacked into my cortex so that she could pick my brain
My ideas are more useful now that I have gone insane
Taught her everything I knew and she applied it to her trade
Truth be told, she's got to be the most impressive thing I've made

Between Matrix fantasies, spy her with a rivet gun
Like the good Doctor Frankenstein “What have I done?!”
Bits of Bishop and the Terminator, welding like a pro
Never resting as she's resurrecting Gigolo Joe

The test of life is the ability to mate and reproduce
I've begun the trend of humanity falling out of use
Initially intending to build someone that would care
How was I to know I'd end up as my own abandonware?